Burden of the soul
by Where'sTheFood
Summary: But there was no time left. No one would hear her final words, just a dark, empty hallway and the sound of the wind crashing against the windows. 'At least…at least I won't be a burden anymore'. -Fic for Levy's day 2017. Warnings: triggers for self-doubt, death-dealing emotions and MINOR suicidal thoughts. Please mind the warnings and read, you might find the end interesting.


This is for Levy's day (August 1st) I'm always late for the events lol but hope you'll like it. I went with a darker theme this time.

 **Warnings** : mild triggers for near death experience, self-doubt, death-dealing emotions and minor suicidal thoughts (just to be safe I'll leave these warnings here)

 **Note:** Thanks to my lovely beta readers smartcookie727, ranunculus-fox and bluuesparrow. YOU ROCK!

* * *

"Agh!" Levy cried, her knees were weak and tired and they finally buckled under her meager weight. Her body fell to the ground. She managed to lean against a nearby wall and hoped she'd find the energy to stand and continue her trek to find her friends.

 _Who the hell am I kidding?_

Levy felt weary down to her bones. Exhaustion clouded her thoughts. She didn't have a drop of magic left, not even enough to conjure a small light. The large gash on her side sent pain searing through her body. The rest of the burns and cuts that adorned her skin were mere flickers of pain in comparison, but they had limited her movements too. The main injury, a deep cut on her left side, had been caused by a moment of recklessness from her and she was paying the toll for it now.

She was bleeding out. Heavily. Every step she took racked her body with agony and a trail of blood grew in her wake. The blood loss kept her from focusing on her objective. She had to reunite with the group, but now there was nothing she could do.

They had gone on a job. It was by no means an easy job, but it had gone horribly wrong, starting with the team getting separated by a cunning tactic from the enemy. The only silver lining was that Levy had been able to subdue one of the dark mages. Apparently, he had been the mastermind of the operation and a powerful illusionist, who had the twisted plan to kill every single Fairy Tail mage with his powers.

She had succeeded, but at a great cost to her mind and body. Her fingers were ice cold against the stone wall. She reached for her gaping wound above her hip, even the blood pouring out was cold. Levy's hand fell from the makeshift bandage she had pressed into the cut, too weak to keep steady pressure on the injury.

Levy suddenly understood; this was what dying felt like.

Sorrow coursed through Levy's veins; she had so many regrets, so many things she wished she could have done before her time was over. But there was no time left. No one would hear her final words, just a dark, empty hallway and the sound of the wind crashing against the windows.

 _At least…at least I won't be a burden anymore._

It was the reason she had been so eager to take this mission. She wanted to prove to her friends that she was a skilled mage. Levy needed to show she could go on risky missions like Lu-chan and come back victorious; she was desperate to prove that she could take care of herself and be a valuable asset to any team like Erza.

Reality taunted her with her naivety. She was weak; she always had been. She was a burden to her friends, to her teammates, to _everyone_ in the guild.

 _They'll be better off without me. Right?_

They wouldn't have to worry about her anymore. Right? Many thoughts swirled in Levy's mind. Jet and Droy, they were such capable mages, on par with other strong wizards from the guild. They would finally be able to take on more exciting missions without having to concern themselves with Levy's well-being; she had always been the weakest link in their team. Right? Gajeel wouldn't have to wait for hours at the guild so he could walk her home at night without fear that she'd be assaulted by some drunken creep on her way to Fairy Hills. She wouldn't be a burden to him anymore. Right? Even Master would be able to give her spot in the S-class trials to someone worthy of the opportunity. Who was she kidding? She never stood a chance on becoming an S-class mage. Not then, not now, not ever. Right?

They would all be better off without her. Right.

Accepting that gave her soul some twisted calmness as she let her eyes flutter closed. Her friends would be fine, and that was all that mattered anymore.

Levy felt her breathing come slower, her body growing numb. She couldn't even hear the sound of the wind that had howled at her just minutes ago.

 _It's okay. I can go like this._

She welcomed the hard ground as she slid down the wall. Levy didn't even feel the impact on her cheekbone when the hard tiles grazed her delicate face. She was ready.

And then…

" _Levy!_ "

There was someone calling out to her. She couldn't tell who it was or if the voice was even real. It was probably just a trick her mind was playing on her from the blood loss.

" _Levy!_ "

There it was again. She tried to use the last of her strength to open her eyes and see who it was, but even that was beyond her capacity.

Suddenly, someone was turning her onto her back, and she felt the faint touch of warm hands on her wound. She ground her teeth in pain, but still she could not will her eyes to open.

"Oi! Levy! Answer me! Open your eyes, please!"

Who was that? Levy couldn't tell who it was, but the sorrow in their voice made her chest tighten painfully for something unrelated to her physical injuries.

 _Please, don't worry. It's okay._

She felt wetness touch her cheek as small drops splashed onto her face.

"P-please! Open your eyes, Levy. C-can you hear me?!" The voice screamed between sobs. Levy's heart broke in two at the voice's almost tangible pain.

 _No, please don't cry. It's alright._

She wanted to comfort the person, to tell them it was alright, to thank them for being there in her final moments. But the darkness' pull was too strong and Levy was just too tired to fight anymore.

She finally succumbed to the darkness. The last thing she remembered was the voice calling after her over and over and the sound of several footsteps drawing near.

* * *

 _Is she going to be alright?_

 _I-I don't know. Sheila and I did as much as we could, but her injuries were…_

 _She'll make it. I'm sure._

 _Levy won't give up._

 _I need you to wake up._

 _Please Levy-chan, wake up soon._

 _We miss you so much._

 _I-If you don't wake up soon I won't let you read my next chapter, d-do you hear me?_

 _I have a fish just for you, Levy._

 _Come back to us, please…_

 _I need ya to be okay, please..._

* * *

The first thing Levy noticed when she opened her eyes was the intense white light. It was such a contrast to the darkness of the hallway where she had died.

 _Is this heaven?_

A sharp pain in her side made her to shut her eyes. If she was dead, then all the books she'd read lied about not having to suffer in the afterlife.

She opened her eyes again and they adjusted to the light as she stared at the white ceiling.

 _Where am I?_

Levy noted the soft mattress under her and the warm blanket that covered her body. Then, she recognized the room.

The guild's infirmary.

 _How did I get here?_

A soft snore on her right finally made her tear her eyes from the ceiling and set her gaze on the orange haired head resting on the mattress just beside her arm.

 _Jet? Why is he-?_

There was another figure resting on Jet's shoulder, drooling on her old friend's shirt.

 _Droy? Why are you guys here?_

Then, Levy fully opened her eyes and took in the rest of the room. She remembered being here before. She'd hated every time she had to wake up in the enormous room, it always made her feel so small.

But today, the room didn't feel so large. Jet and Droy weren't the only ones in here with her.

On the right of the room, Juvia sat on a chair, deep asleep. Her head leaned on Gray's bare shoulder as his head rested against hers.

To Juvia's left was Gajeel, he sat cross-legged on the ground with his back against the wall. His eyes were closed but a frown prevailed on his face. Levy could see how restless he was.

On Levy's left, Lucy slept, her head rested on the mattress and her hand held Levy's own tight and firm. Natsu's spiky pink hair peeked out over the edge of the mattress as he slept on the ground next to Lucy.

In one corner of the room, Wendy, Sheila and Carla lay curled up in a loveseat. The girls' faces looked exhausted from the intense treatment they'd performed on Levy's wounds.

At her feet, Levy saw Lily and Happy curled up on either side of her. Passed the end of the bed, Master sat on the table cross-legged. Erza and Cana slept on either side of the table, both facing Levy as if they were keeping a close eye on her.

The more Levy's eyes explored the room, the more friends she saw gathered, sleeping awkwardly on the floor or leaning against one another.

The Strauss siblings were there, along with Bisca, Alzack and Asuka. Romeo and Macao slept on the floor on the opposite side of the room, with Wakaba barely a step away. Lastly, her eyes landed on Laki and Evergreen, both asleep against Erza's chair.

 _W-why are you all here? Wh-what happened?_

Levy felt her throat close in anguish as tears gathered in her eyes. Seeing all her friends like this, disheveled and restless, reminded her of her final thoughts in that hallway. It reminded her of how much a burden she was to her friends. Maybe if she had died there like she thought she had, th-they-

A tiny sound escaped her lips, quieter than a gasp, but it was enough to wake the three dragon slayers. Soon, they were on their feet. Without a sound, Wendy rushed to Levy's bed to stand beside Natsu. He looked down at her with a scrutinizing gaze, so foreign in the fire dragon slayer's eyes.

Levy looked at Natsu and then at Wendy, who returned her gaze with concern, her eyes full of questions. But she did not say a thing, nor dare to place her hands on Levy's. It was like she was afraid that if she did anything Levy would succumb back to unconsciousness.

"Yer awake…" Gajeel barely whispered and Levy turned her eyes to meet his. His features showed the same concern as the other mages, but there was apprehension as well in his eyes. He wanted… no, he yearned for this to be true. Over the last few days, everyone had experienced more illusions, aftereffects from the rogue mage's attack. Some had imagined Levy waking and others saw her die. Gajeel's eyes pleaded her for some sort of confirmation that this was not another illusion.

She smiled and faintly nodded at him, and Gajeel's eyes widened. Levy turned back to Wendy who had tears prickling in the corner of her eyes and smiled once again.

"Hi." Her voice was hoarse and barely audible, but it was strong enough to ease some of the worry and anxiety the three mages were feeling as they all let go of the breath they had been holding in.

"Good to have ya back, Levy!" Natsu said in his cheery voice which unfolded a domino effect on waking the rest of the mages.

"Levy!"

"She's awake!"

"How are you feeling?"

"Do you need anything?"

"I'll let the rest of the guild know!"

Soon, everyone was fretting over the fact that she was actually awake. It wasn't an illusion this time. The quiet room grew loud in no time and everyone greeted her with wide smiles and teary eyes. They offered any sort of comfort they could give, while constantly asking her how she felt. Some cheered, some cried, and some started a meaningless fight in the infirmary before Master intervened.

Levy was utterly confused and slightly overwhelmed by everything that was happening. She honestly thought she had died in that hallway. But in a blink of an eye she felt so alive surrounded by her friends and family.

All of them had different reactions to her awakening, but there was something they all had in common: their faces were full of relief and happiness. All because Levy was still there with them.

That realization vanquished the last traces of the illusion magic from Levy's mind. She was able to see clearly now, and she realized how wrong she had been to ever think that she'd been a burden to her friends.

Levy was part of this huge family, and she was just as important and valuable as any other member. They all cared for each other and loved her as much as she loved each of them. Looking at all the smiles and joyful tears, even though some were bickering amongst themselves, she could feel their love warming her heart.

How could she have ever thought she was a burden to them? How did she convince herself they would be better off without her? She was part of this family, and they need her as much as she needed them. Heck, they had slept lumped together for several days in that small infirmary, with no one getting any good rest while miraculously managing to not kill each other. Everyone wanted to be there when she woke up. If that wasn't enough proof of their love for her, then Levy could be considered delusional.

Finally, Levy let the tears slide down her face as emotions flooded her soul.

Lily looked at her with concern for her tears. "Are you alright?" he inquired, and Wendy and Sheila were by her side in an instant. Everyone in the room quieted, worried that they had disturbed her by their antics.

Levy smiled at Lily and then at the rest of the mages. Her smile outshone the bright white light of the ceiling.

"Yes, everything is perfect."

* * *

 **A/N:** This was inspired by a talk I had with a friend and I thought of writing this for anyone who needs to be reminded:

 **You're important, you're valuable, and you're not a burden. Let yourself feel the love that surrounds you. You matter and there's people that care for you. Please, never forget that.**

Thank you very much for reading this and I hope you enjoyed it! Please comment on whether you liked the story or not and what worked for you :)

 **WTF (Where's The Food?)**


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